I've had quite a few drunk convosayshuns where people have asked me how many people I've had sex with.....apparently, some people wonder if I'm a ho or something. Preposterous notion. But anyway, I rarely tell the truth UNLESS I know them well or feel like drunk-bragging. But it's got me to thinking about this "magic number"....what's the big deal?
Okay, at my age of 22, if you tell me you've had sex with "1" person and you HAVEN'T been in a serious relationship for years, then something is wrong with you. You either have some weird fetish or your social interactions probably end with people thinking you're weirdsauce.
"2"....okay. I suppose that's not horribly embarrassing. Maybe you were in a relationship for a while or something...or maybe you just aren't into hookups...or maybe you're still weird. Probably the latter.
"3-5"...I think this is "normal" territory. Normal as in....you probably aren't into hooking up that much, and you can't be fuggles.
However if you've only had sex with three people, and you've been on the prowl every weekend for years....come on, you know you look like the children on HBO's "Hung."
"6-10" is like...what people would see as a normal sex life, I think. I think it's when you start needing to add more hands into the equation that it moves into the prude's judgment of "slut" territory, and you start wondering if you need to lie about how many people you've had sex with.
Here's some gay man reactions to some of these numbers:
11-15...."okay, get it gurr!"....
16-20...."well that's alright, you can teach me a thing or two about a thing or two!".....
21-25..."listen bitch, maybe you need to slow down a bit"....
26-30...."Ho! close up shop. Ain't no need to be a revolving door".....
31 and up..."gurl...you wanna go get tested together? Shit, I'll even pay if you ain't got insurance."
I know my magic number...let's just say it's sittin'-pretty somewhere in my gay man's reactions. you don't need to know all my business, yall. One girl I told gave me a polite nod where I could see the word "slut" replaying in her mind over and over. Wutever bitch, u look like Susan Boyle.
The point is....a number is just a number. Just Do You. If you like sex, then fuck away! And if you've been in a relationship forever, then don't pass judgment on us single folk. Nothing is more annoying than a self righteous girl/boyfriend. And if you just happen to be a swamp creature who wishes they could have my number, ain't no need to hate.
(I enjoy having a blog. More to come.)
